Hey your shoe laces are awfully long. They touch the floor when we are standing and talking.
This also means when you are standing and peeing, your laces are soaking up the urine of hundreds of men.
After you put on your floppy laced shoes on in the morning, you probably don’t wash your hands before putting things in your mouth. Shorten those laces you gross-piss-fingered-fuck, we are all waiting.