au contraire!
mattresses, you say?
get your little DNA test kit out
and go to town! just go to the big-
gest stains and with a fell swab or two
you'll have their entire family History before
noon next Saturday and the Po-po'll be Delighted
to pay 'em a Visit along with a chock-full Dumptruck
and bill for the truck's time, fuel and the day laborer's
wages, which are meager, so you're in Luck there. Oh &
DON'T DO IT AGAIN. unless you just wanna meet my Dawg.

Dawgs.