Trim your goddamn floppy ass shoelaces! You come floppin into the room and those piss soaked strings a flappin away. Someone then tells you and you tie them and THEN you touch other things with your piss fingers. FUCKIN A. You are mid forties or some old shit. Figure it out you look like you are 8.

And buy a belt. Better yet; trim the laces into a belt you crusty old flap