Orifices. Oh, the unrelenting orifices. To think, I used to just brush my teeth, wipe my ass, and go about my day as though this was somehow enough. Well. Given just a little extra time to reflect, the truth of the matter has come into stark focus. There is a pebble of undigested quinoa clinging to the outer rim of my anus, trapped in a tangle of butt pubes. Every step I take screams it’s presence up through my spinal column and no, this is not alright. It’s also not alright to brush just the outside of the teeth as though the spaces in between do not harbor tiny mulch piles of decaying food. As though that decay does not then crawl upwards through the nasal cavity and into the brain where it feasts on the neural connections that make up the very core of my whole being. Don’t ask me how I know this, I just do. Also: mouthwash!! It exists for a reason. Care for your orifices people. It will bring you peace. Shalom.