It’s only natural to assume the disjointed + impaired texts were your way of “talking to me” or setting boundaries. The texts were duplicitous—speaking from both sides of the mouth. It harkens to the time you told me you didn’t want to see me via text. I thought we had grown from that place. But clearly the respect has not evolved from only the 10th day after we met.
At any time in life when we show our hearts, it’s just a chance at failure/loss. We continue to allow life to happen, despite the risk. It’s a beautiful, breathtaking, brutal, and vulnerable adventure. My only regret with you, is the poor navigation of it's ending. It hijacks my lovely memories of Pandemic Babes meeting in fire season.
Romantic love is precarious. Intimate platonic friendship is not, so much. I feel like I’ve been asking for a platonic, intimate friendship for us for many months. I thought we were real with each other. We have comforted + helped each other carry the “hard”. I thought we were on our way, until the stolen kiss in CruSh. The safety I perceived with us has changed. Sweet humans don’t leave their lovEs hanging. This is where I’ve been, like muddy shoes, you don’t want to deal with. Left to my own assumptions.
I truly hope that in the future, you can move toward the chance of having timely, difficult, unimpaired conversations and come to appreciate that they are not too heavy of a price to pay,