Big, BIG news, friends! The Portland Police Bureau announced an exciting shuffle of their leadership house-of-cards. Oooowee! Captain Lovell's Number One spot on the bridge will be filled with a looooong-time bureau veteran, just busting with fresh, daring, innovative ideas to bolster PPB's sunken public relations.

Expect at least 36 more "advisory committees," 27 more equity task forces, 76 more studies, a bevy of multilingual website mission statements, a "hands-across-Portland" live-in with Mayor/Police Commissioner Ted ... oh, and a new admin position to help craft some gonzo new PowerPoint presentations!

Also expect prezactly the same god-awful shit show in the future that we've come to love about the PPB for decades.

Also hold on tight for more of the same puppet mastery from the grand viziers at the Portland Police Association.

And what about the outrageous cash settlements the city has been coughing up to cover for PPB's most jack-booted of thugs? Look for more to come — along with regularly increases to already lush cop pay to keep them from absconding to whiter pastures.

Too cynical? Too [gasp!] "negative" and unfair? Too "toxic"? Give me one example where a powerful, white male-dominated, arch conservative, armed, paramilitarized government organization, with known ties to racist militia groups, willingly acceding to the will of the majority of the people who demand reform, genuine equity, and independent oversight.