You are a brilliant beautiful woman. You are amazingly insightful and self-aware. The signals you put out are often conflicting and confusing. Perhaps you are a tempting enigma. On one hand you wax romantic and opine about attracting only married guys and unemployed creeps while the men you desire are too anxious to shot their shot. On the other hand you celebrate your independence and boast your freedom from the bondage of a relationship.

And somewhere on the foot, or maybe the big toe, you wax on about how it’s okay to be sad and how you understand how men have issues with expressing their feelings.

Whatever you are doing, it’s amazing, keep it up. You are one awesome woman, and it’s a privilege to know you.

We’ll be back in touch shortly, and we’ll catch up on old stories we made up about each other again very soon.

The captain has the shoes.