To all you vindictive fucks who prevent merging traffic by speeding up to close the distance between you and the driver in front of you so that even your skinny wieners couldn't fit between your front bumper and their rear: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING UNNECESSARY SHIT STAINS. I'm sorry that my turn signal was so offensive to your fragile ego that you thought tailing the person in front of you was an effective deterrent to the city's established traffic patterns. Did the prospect of arriving two seconds behind me to the next interchange threaten your self worth so much that you thought it was worth risking an accident for 3+ cars-full of people just to establish your alpha privilege as a driver who momentarily occupied a gnat's ass amount of coveted real estate on I-5? Do you really believe that you're entitled to anything more than the exact space that your car takes up on the road at a given moment? On behalf of everyone who is lucky enough to share the road with you, I'm sorry that we're all going 20 mph in a 50 mph stretch of highway because it's rush hour. It must be our fault.

But hey, I'm glad that you and your Honda could feel a fleeting sense of superiority as you flexed that 4-cylinder engine to its limits for that 10-yard stretch. I wonder if you noticed me as I stayed in my lane for just a little longer. Did you see me successfully merge four cars in front of you thanks to the common courtesy of someone who understands how to zipper? Are you gonna be okay? If it helps, Pacifiers are 2 for $10 on Amazon... I just hope you don't get stuck behind one of their delivery vans, you fucking baby.