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1

If only wishing made it so.

There are a lot of feelings I wish I could wave my hands in a particular fashion and rid myself of the fear of attack and reject that encourages me to hide, the anger that blinds me, and yes even the unconscious hate the slips itself into my mind when I get flashes of the injuries I've accepted on behalf of others weaknesses, but I would never wish away love nor wish it away from anyone else.

From your post, it sounds like you feel there is some sort of imbalance between you and your friend, in my experience there are two ways to approach this

1) You could be correct, its possible you have a good read on this person and there may be an imbalance of feelings. One way to help both of you through this process would be to be open and trust each other. Placing ourselves in a position of vulnerability is a very difficult thing, but its also something important for us to do. It's clear you admire this person, they may even be deserving of your trust, rather than keeping a secret from someone you feel close to and is important to you, pay them (and yourself) the respect of being honest with your feelings.

2) You could be wrong, and there is no imbalance of feelings. In which case, you should also feel free to express yourself to those important to you and whom you consider friends.

Keep in mind, that expressing love and "being more than friends" doesn't have to mean romance or sex, it could also mean that you feel a profound connection to this person and would like to celebrate a bond maybe more analogous to a familial relationship.

Speaking from personal experience, this isn't the 90s, there is a plethora of different types of interpersonal relationships and bonds that were previously unacknowledged by our society. Not everyone fits in to a neat category of friend, best friend, romantic partner, family member or the like.

Be brave and create something important to you with your friend, but make sure to recognize it is a collaboration which requires their consent and input in the planning as well.

Whatever you do, don't keep silent about things that are important to you. Don't feel you need to punish yourself by not expressing your feelings of love and affection to another human being. Don't needlessly scare yourself into emotional submission.

Let your light shine upon all you meet.


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