Republicans are tumbling all over each other to posit solutions to gun violence and mass shootings. (Spoiler: they do NOT include gun control or bans.) Here are just a few reasons why, the GOP tells us, there are mass shootings in schools:

1. Too many doors.

2. Not enough God.

3. "Woke," "liberal" teachers.

4. ADHA meds.

5. Not enough armed teachers.

6. Too much fun control.

7. Trans people.

If you're still a member of the Republican Death Cult, in light of everything your party stands for, you're literally the worst human being, and I invite you to suck my balls.