Portland Patio Pages

I, Anonymous Blog

The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.

The Honorable Handmaid

It was amazing to go in for an annual exam and mammogram and not have to pay a co-pay, or have it go against our deductible. With pre-existing conditions and a family history of breast cancer, how reassuring to get a yearly mammogram! Sure, I had to pay for the ultrasound when cysts were discovered, but small price to pay for a little peace of mind. Buh-bye, preventative healthcare. Private insurance, which is already a huge monthly expense, is going to become unattainable. Not to lose sight of those who will suffer far, far more than we will, even if the worst happens. Amy Covid Barrett represents the worst of "conservative 'values.'" More disease, more babies born with no support beyond birth, more maternal mortality, but more guns, more misogyny, more monopolies, and less separation between church and state. The Handmaid Judge is a disgrace.

outraged by insanity

I really hope this gets by Mercury censors [Hi! Love, your Mercury censors]
Fed up with the insanity on public display everywhere the grating voices of Republicans are raised, more accurately conservatives, more accurately predatory (primarily) whites, but predatory behavior is not ethnically exclusive.
The outrageous inundation of Lies, lies and more lies, of distortions, of actual, blatant reversals of reality. Black is white for these deliberately vicious, lying, thieving, cheating, lying, greedy, lying, bullying, lying, murdering, lying, self-righteous, lying, hypocritical, lying, insane things wearing the bodies of and appearing to be actual human beings.
Sick of this, tired of tolerating and being nice to half-wit puppets whose minds are destroyed by the propaganda spewing over the land like their oil spills, poisoning everything. Stop it!

Learning to drive at 30

Yeah, kind of embarrassing I guess. Ive used public transit since I was kid. I remember when trimet buses took every 20 to 30 minutes to get to a stop, and when the max used to just be blue and red lines only.
I toughed out years of hot summers, rainy falls and bitter cold winded winters all with my children on the bus and max. We had groceries to buy, places to be, and weather never stopped us.
But with countless employers asking applicants to have a reliable form of transportation, and with the fact I have to get my kids to appointments, grocery shop and also get to work and drop off at childcare, I had to start learning to drive.
I got a permit, and got a used electric car.
I practiced driving and even did my drivers test before the shutdowns. But I failed that because I was so nervous driving I missed a turn and passed a red light right when we turning back into the DMV parking lot.
Now I'm still practicing but I just can't get over anxiety. I'm scared to end up in an accident, or accidentally hurting myself or another person because I make one wrong move while driving.
I only am doing this so I can buy groceries and not have to lug 50 bags on the bus, and also so I can get a job.
Why do employers make this a requirement in a city with one of the best transportation systems? I thought we are supposed to be making our carbon emissions less. Electric cars dont solve the problem when the material also harms the planet, electric or not.

Monuments to Ignorance

Let's get it straight: toppling statues is not obscene. What is obscene is pretending that the society crafted in the U.S. for 200 years is blameless and sanctified. Teddy Roosevelt was an overblown, overprivileged narcissist who took this nation down yet another bad road. His Rough Riders were another incarnation of the cavalry that massacred Indians wholesale and then in the Philippines tortured, interned and murdered a people who had fought for their own liberty from Spain. As for Lincoln, he didn't think black people were equal and said that many places. What are people worshipping? Delusions. Grow up and get over your attachment to history as it was taught to you in 3rd grade.

Roosevelt and Lincoln.

So it's cool to take down washington, the media supports that when BLM does it, but Native people can't take down statues?
What about Mt. Rushmore, with all the presidents faces carved into the sacred Black hills?
We should be able to lift up Native American leaders and people this is Native country.
This cause also supports White people too you know. As it is, Irish Indentured servitude is never talked about really. Nor are the Chinese and Japanese Internment camps. Why aren't our nations statues commemorating Native American, African America , Irish American, Chinese and Japanese American ancestors who on their blood and pain, made this country what it is today?

Neighborly Lights

There you are, every morning in your garage, engine running, cig smoking, and headlights on, blaring into my room. Every fucking morning. Engine running. I may give a pass in the winter, you know, warming up the engine and interior, although that was never quite my morning routine, so I don't understand what I don't know. But in the summer? You are an idiot. It's your routine. Cigs, engine, lights becasue they come on with the car, and it's too much work to turn it off for your neighbors at 6 to 7 am. You do know that the lights and engine/car starting is controlled by different buttons or functions on the car that are separate, right? I wouldn't put it pass you how dumb you may be, though. Inconsiderated for sure. But why would a neighbor be considerate, or inconsiderate? Because they don't know? So when I stare at you from across the street, yes, I'm being passive aggressive. When I yell at you from across the street, I'm angry at how clueless you are. When I walk up to you and ask you, and you disregard, it's your property, your right, no laws you have to abide in turning off your lights for your neighbor. So I see how you are, which is the epitome of entitlement. True disrespect. And complete idiocracy in your morning routine with engine running, and lights going all because you need to smoke cigarettes.


Hey security guard at a local pot dispensary: you're a creep and your tattoos look dumb as hell. You leer at women and make the men they come in with want to punch you in your fat face. I know people used to pick on you in school, so you covered yourself with stick-and-pokes and patches of shitty bands to try and formulate an identity that seemed "tough." Too bad you're pushing 40 by the looks of it and can barely fit on the stool they give you to sit on. I know you're miserable about your station in life, but don't take it out on people who are happier than you. Maybe try 6-8 glasses of water a day and regular exercise? Cheers, Chachi!


here is the actual definition of fascism by Meriam Webster dictionary..

"Definition of fascism
1often capitalized : a political philosophy, movement, or regime (such as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition
2: a tendency toward or actual exercise of strong autocratic or dictatorial control
early instances of army fascism and brutality
— J. W. Aldridge"

Bottle deposit is corporate welfare

They've been changing rules around bottle return around Portland so some stores near downtown only have to take 24; in exchange for having bag-and-drop service. After my own past experience with less than accurate counts and the horrific reviews I read, I counted every can that went into my last ten bags and kept track of what I got back and most of the bags were Fcking short counted. 7% short across all ten bags. The company that's miscounting them is the same company that is allowed to pocket unredeemed deposit.

So their website says they process around 13,800 bags a day. I did some calculations and assuming they're returning bags with about the same number of cans as me and they're getting shorted at the same rate, they're pocketing about $7,700 a day that's supposed to have been paid out to Oregonians. That's on top of whatever they're pocketing on containers people don't return.

Bottom to the top

some day it will be former foster youth that lead this country.
We are the forgotten ones, where fostercare awareness today only congratulates foster parents, but never the children within the system.
We are the ones who make up 80% of the prison population, nearly 50% of the homeless population and suffer from PTSD at twice the rate that war vets do.
We graduate highschool at close to 30% and a four year university at only 2.5%
We represent high numbers of death, and long term health problems.
Let's talk about inequality only when that discussions starts to focus on foster youth.
We are the garbage society throws away, and then pitied on when convenient. But we will make it to the top one day.
And when we do, all your stupid complaint will be unjustified.
All of them.
Prepare for that day. Your little priviledges and whining about your lives when you've had more your whole life will be put on display.
I cant wait for that day.

Season 4, Episode 6 "He's The Shit"

The air around her was vibrating. She stood on the stage and absorbed the energy. It was time. Halfway through the debate, clockwork.
She didn't see it, but in her heightened state knew the plan was operational.
The Giant Housefly flew right over her head at exactly 3.01 meters, just catching the toxic esters radiating upwards from her perfect hair. Only the fly could sense the Deet, which she had thoroughly covered herself in.
Perfect planning. The fly honed right in on the slathered-in-pomade head of her nemesis.
A fly to shit.

All Things Considered

It's one thing to hate Portland and move to NYC (get fucked!), and another to move your ass to LA only to hate on LA, but your career(LA is not Hell). But Holy Stress Shits, you got to really hate Portland to move to Kentucky.

It's Inevitable

What am I going to do? I know we'll get trick or treaters. Option A: Open door and tell them directly that their parents are idiots and they really need to understand that adults will fail you and today is the day. If the idiot parents are standing in the street I may just yell directly at them, cut out the kiddos. It's not their fault. They don't stand a chance in this world with idiot parent like that but it's not their fault. Option B: leave a clearly written sign stating the idiocy of the parents of the faultless rugrats standing at my doorstep begging for food despite the pandemic. I feel the sign leaves my property vulnerable, as opposed to the idiots in the street and their spawn in my space knowing who lives inside. "he's real mad, mommy!". C: Take to the streets, in costume/disguise to voice my disgust. But then am I being a hypocrite?

Idiocracy and this presidency

I don't think I've hated another person more. He thinks Americans are so weak that they would panic about covid, he can't be bothered to wear a piece of cloth over his nose and mouth, he constantly lies and lies and lies, his failure to act has cost tens of thousands of Americans to die, he got bored during his taxpayer funded hospital stay after being infected by covid after failing to protect himself and then rode in close proximity in a car with members of Secret Service, he tells Americans not to fear a deadly contagious disease that could kill them and their families and friends and coworkers and neighbors, he is essentially holding the American people hostage by telling them that after they vote for him he will pass covid relief, his administration didn't want to help the Americans who didn't vote for him in 2016, he could have prevented some of these deaths and some of American's job losses and suffering and hunger and economic hardship and evictions and homelessness......
He leads a death cult, he's like a lemming leading his followers over a cliff to their doom, almost encouraging them to get the virus and spread it. He's a super spreader. He's probably the White House's patient zero.
He is evil.

College during covid 19

this fall I started the first year of my two year degree program to "become," a social worker.
What was I thinking?
Clearly covid isn't my only barrier, the other barrier is that I've gone so long without actual friendships that I have simply forgotten how to communicate.
Today, we began labs where over zoom we practiced interviewing eachother.
I literally suck at interviewing skills, I cannot stay in the moment or even concentrate long enough to remember what the other person says.
How can I be a helper if I cant even interview right?
I talk too much. Or I dont say the right things.
Wish me luck I guess?
I seriously need more practice.