I, Anonymous Blog

The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.

"Fine wine at the QFC, you were the stranger"

In line at the QFC, late or early Maruary '22, I stepped away from you. You said under your dirty hanky mask, "don't be afraid." I said, "I'm not afraid, I'm sad. My dad is currently dying from covid." You gasped, or I assumed you did. You mumbled something and nodded. I said, looking in your eyes, "You remind me of him, if he could talk he would say the same thing." We stood in silence for the remaining five minutes as my will to remain tearless failed.

Cover your effing mouth

Dear asshat,

You: row 29 passenger on a Delta red eye, late Saturday / early Sunday.
Me: stuck in the row behind you, a prisoner trapped in a sea of your poisonous mouth exhaust.

You coughed THE ENTIRE 5+ HOUR FLIGHT. And not only did you fail to wear a mask, you didn't even bother to cover your mouth at all when you coughed. Here I am, stuck breathing your cough the whole time. You got on that plane knowing you had a persistent cough, and you gave zero fucks about every human around you.

Am I sick now, three days later? Yes. Fuck you.

Where are your fucking manners? Despite the fact that you appeared to be at least 40 or 50 years old, I have to say: grow up.

"Big ugly city."

Recently travelled to eastern Oregon and was struck by how vehemently the denizens of rural God's Country characterize my home town (Portland) as a "big ugly city," awash in crime, filth, drugs, terrorists, death, mayhem, you name it.

I've lived and worked in Portland inner city for decades, and I see, every day, good, caring, decent people living their lives in joy, curiosity, and compassion. Yes, I also see the troubles that we struggle with, as we try to reconcile growth with historically inequitable systems that plague virtually every city in America.

When the wholesome country folk take FoxNews as Gospel and shit on my home town, I feel the urge to comment on their decrepit, crumbling towns, the rusting oil tanks, trucks, and campers decaying in their fields, their leeching septic tanks and garbage piles, their rank racism and queerphobia, their unreported domestic and sexual violence, their unwanted pregnancies, and their epidemics of alcoholism and drug addiction.

But this last time, I kept my mouth shut. Like on social media, there's no changing the twisted minds of "Christian" hypocrites who exist to hate Portland, while wearing their fetid "country values" like a Klansman's cloak of honor.

Bottom line: I love Portland and should be more vocal in defending it when I visit rural (and suburban) Oregon. We Portlanders don't lie to ourselves and pretend it's Paradise. And those who run for office promising a return to the salad days of Portland's past are either lying or, worse, delusional.

One final thought: Anyone living in Portland who constantly rips on this city, claiming the answer is more cops and more white men politicians, should leave and move out to rural God's Country, where I'm sure they'd fit right in.

Is it really that bad?

The day before I flew into Guadalajara, a warning popped up on my phone. The US state department said to be on alert. A cartel boss had just been killed, and clashes could break out any moment in the city. In times past, I would have thought, "maybe I should reroute my trip and head home early." Except this time, my local Portland bar had been shot up a week earlier as multiple people exchanged gunfire in the middle of Hawthorne. Then, just a week later, a man was murdered in his apartment a few blocks in the other direction. No suspects, either way. And so, sitting there in a cafe in Mexico, I thought, "I don't feel any safer at home than I do in a certified potential cartel warzone." What a strange feeling.

our power requires your fear

We need you to be afraid. We need you to doubt yourself. We need you to lose confidence in your own powers and abilities. We need you to surrender your power, time, attention, and energy to us.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

There is no room for nuance. There is no room for understanding. We have all the understanding you need. You do not need to think. We can think for you. We can decide for you. My god don't read books! You should be watching television and sparring on twitter!

Let the hate flow through you.

Anyone who disagrees with us or considers an alternative perspective is evil. You don't want to think of yourself as evil do you. We enjoy hurting things we are able to label evil. If we weren't able to label things as evil, how would we ever take pleasure in hurting things.

It's very important for you to follow the crowd. Follow the stampede. You have been told you should be afraid. That is what is important. Following instructions to be afraid. Everyone else is afraid, you should feel afraid too! There is so much to fear! Please allow us to overwhelm you with reminders that you should be afraid of everything we tell you to be afraid. You should fear your neighbors because we say so. You should fear your co-workers because we say so. You should fear that person on the television screen because they say things you don't like. You should always especially fear things on the television screen.

Be afraid. Cower in fear. Engage feeling of helplessness. You can't do it. You can't help yourself. All is lost.

But if you listen to us, and give us your power, we could save you...

...now let's talk about our fee...

Better off

It's been about 40 years since Ronald Reagan uttered the question "Are you better off than you were 4 years ago?" This short sighted idea of 4 year cycles has led us to where we are now. Always looking for the quarterly growth instead of sustained livability.

The only question that really matters is will we leave the planet a better place for our children than it was when we inherited the responsibility for taking care of it?

Transportation counter offer

So here is my final I-5 bridge replacement counter offer
1 lane in each direction for self driving electric trucks
1 lane in each direction for electric self driving cars
Superstructure for high speed intercity rail
Light rail track
Pedestrian walkway
Bike way
It will 10 years to get this built, it should be built for where we are going to be in 10 years.


At last, Stumptown Commishes are banding together with singular purpose, focusing resolve and resources to, once and for all, solve our homeless problem. No longer will our beloved Elk have to cower in darkness and uncertainty. Statues are people too, and its rehabilitation marks the start of a brave new age in Portland politics. Huzzah!

Thanks for all the fish

I am a human being. Why doesn't anyone believe me when I tell them I am human? I have the same human needs for sustenance, covering, and connection as anyone else.

I wasn't put here as entertainment. I am not here to be poke and prodded. I am not here to be pointed at.

It's needless cruel to deny people their humanity. To deny people the ability to connect with others. To deny them food and shelter.

It is cruel to deny this reality.

There is no guarantee for security in life, but it is cruel to knowingly add to the suffer of others.

I AM a human. Or at least I was for a short time.

I am not capable of what you want

I love you and I want you. In my own fucked up, broken way, I love you. But I can never give you what you want because it would shatter the other parts of my life.
You love me; I am your person. I get that, and wish it could be different. But it can't: my wife, my family, all pull on me and trap me in the place I am.

I wish that I could fuck you, again. But I can't; it would destroy the friendship that we've established. But every time we get our friendship to a point where I'm comfortable, you want more. I can't give you more.

I don't regret what happened; we did nothing wrong except catch feelings. So I want you to know that, in my own fucked up, broken way, I love you and will be friends - if you can. But I cannot, and will never be able to, give you want you want.

Don't tread on me while I tread on you.

The hippocracy is off the chart! Rightists claim to pine for less government interference in our personal lives, while demanding more government interference in our personal lives. When closeted Trumpists feel horny or isolated, or suddenly need a safe abortion, may the irony drizzle down upon them like a richly deserved golden shower. You right-wing moralists are a unique species of political and cultural parasite, using up the resources of a Commonwealth you despise and attack. When your actions, in service to GOP politicians, translate into personal sorrows, no QAnon, no DeSantis, no Trump will be there to provide succor or compassion. You are becoming the enemy you fight. The freedom to be and live as you wish doesn't stop with gun ownership and vax denying.

An apology to all emotionally charged bicyclists

I apologize for all the happy and casual bicyclists, the many many portlanders that enjoy riding bikes to commute, to feel the wind against their face, and to experience our lovely city in spring. Those that, although obey the rules of the road, still get berated by agro spandex wearing bicyclists. I apologize to whomever yelled at me today; I wish I could have yelled back, "what an effective tactic to teach, build community, and misdirect anger from a hard day at the office!". In fact, I propose a "Yelling at Other Bicyclists Day!". Instead of people finding connection riding bicycles, exchanging nods and smiles as we take the roads back from cars, l say we exchange insults! And again, so sorry to the agro commuters for being slightly annoying, I only hope one day I can be less tolerant as well.

I don't know if this is relevant but

Literally a big part of my day every day is helping adults work through sexual and physical abuse that they experienced while in foster care or with their adoptive parents. I would also say that kids know from an early age if they are not wanted by their parents. Is this relevant to the abortion discussion w/ supreme court i'm not sure but this is what came to my mind today.

Where's the birth certificate?

The entire anti-choice debate is pure stupidity.

This is not a debate about conception or where life begins, this is a debate about where the government's interest begins.

The constitution recognizes that the government only has an interest in humans from the point of BIRTH forward, relevant to whether or not they are a "natural BORN citizen."

States and municipalities issue BIRTH certificates.

A child must be BORN to be claimed as a dependent or subject to child support orders.

The government issues social security numbers and draft cards based on your BIRTHDAY.

There is no legal recognition of human life before BIRTH. This is a long and well-documented human tradition spanning centuries and millenniums.

Roe V. Wade is a 1973 product of outdated legal thinking that fails to fully respect and acknowledge a woman's right of privacy and autonomy over her own body.

Clarence Thomas may be leaving the bench...
Brett Kavanaugh may be leaving the bench...
Amy Conney Barrett may be leaving the bench...

This attempt to overturn it is an act of desperation. Look at the timing. . .


Sooo... If yer addicted to Amazon, and yer okely dokely with Bezos crushing workers' efforts to unionize for decent pay, benefits, and working conditions, I have one word for you: Fuuuuuuuquew. Wait, one more: Yewsuck. That is all.