Dear young sir and madam: I am sorry I elected to play pinball on that particular table last night. There were several pinball machines to choose from, but for some reason I chose the precise one under which you two were sharing the most intimate of relations. I did not mean to startle you! I sincerely hope both of you had a chance to finish. Honestly, I did not know you were there, and I was not being a perv. When you two emerged during my third ball—first her, followed shortly thereafter by him—I was utterly dumbfounded. And, sir, it was entirely unnecessary for you to politely say to me, "There's a party goin' on down there!" but I do appreciate the effort. Please don't be embarrassed. You are both obviously quite attractive (and limber!) and could—nay, should—be having sex as often as you can, and in as many places as possible. So please, please, I beseech you: Don't let my rude, inadvertent interruption deter you from any further public bangin'—whether it be under pinball machines or in bathroom stalls or wherever the fancy strikes. Godspeed, friends.—Anonymous