I, Anonymous Apr 22, 2010 at 4:00 am

Signing Off


Hmm… I Anon and Frank Cassano's Imbecile Parade are beginning to blur.
This column is officially dead.
wait...what??? anonymous is livid at someone for using his/her name in emails? WHAT????
It's a sad day when the well runs dry on righteous indignation.
You just want to pat (this column) on it's back and say,
"It's okay. it was fun while it lasted."
Here lies all of Portland's misplaced and hilarious anger

I, Anonymous
(????-April 21, 2010)
Haha. I'm glad they ran this one, just to see an illustration of that description.

The complaint is silly but the letter is funny. Isn't that enough for you all?
This is the first I, Anonymous in awhile that actually makes some damn sense!

am i the only one who still thinks this is funny?
Hey you!

Your logical abilities have failed you again, as this "problem" which you relate is not new or specific to emails, and most certainly existed back in the dark ages of letters, as a paper letter's sender and recipient could most certainly be surmised by reading the outside of an envelope. So why address paper letters with salutations and closings? And while we're systematically destroying civility, why not get rid of saying "Hello" and "Goodbye" when meeting in person since it is obvious when we're coming and going. We can then give up addressing each other by name since we obviously know who we are and what our own name is!


YOU SEE?!! You SEE NOW?? This is why we can't have nice things!
Can't possibly be a serious rant. As a parody? Grade: c. Only for use of "snail poop."
This is the dumbest I-Anon ever. "Hey assholes, quit using turn signals when you drive! I'm so pissed at this basic element of courtesy and pragmatism!"
To whom it may concern:
Why would you ever do something in a manner different from the manner in which I do it? Don't you know that I don't do it that way? I totally do it one way, and then you come along and do it slightly differently right in my face, you fucking prick!

I'm going to find you and chuck a cinder block into the back of your head! You and everyone else who does some insignificant daily task in a manner that deviates even one inch from how I do things should be tossed into a vat of boiling feces. When you cry out for relief I will piss in your fat face!

And yes, this is without a doubt the biggest problem I have in my life.
Great, I had to get rid of my hilter-stache, and now your railing on my monocle.
Oh no! Not your Hilter-stahce!

By the way, has anyone seen Beinrich Bimmler or Ron Vibbentrop around here? No one's going to have much fun in Stalingrad without them...
To whom it may concern,
Oh little one who has never written a propper letter in their lives. Texting texting 123 Omg I cant beleive its not butter(icbinb) lol. Or maybe you have just never received a card or letter that began "Dearest". I miss my grandma and maybe you would to if she had sent you cards that started this way. Sometimes things are personal and even when they are about business they can still be personal. They can end that way too(that can be good) If you have a job that has pointless paragraphs with no real sincerety at beginning or end you should find a different job. theres probably not much in the middle either. If you dont like friends saying Hello,..... Love, ...then maybe you should become a robot or an ipad or maybe a laser. Nothing conveys meaning like....syntax error... Wish I could finish, instead Ill go read some more troll rants off craigslist. Hard to see through this snail poop covered monacle though. Sincerely, Best Regards, Yours Truly, Adam Sheppard
Methinks someone has never had to navigate through an email thread that's been tossed around their office with 15 different repliers looking for that one reply with the info they need.

More likely they've never had a job.
Dear I-Anonymous-Writer-Whose-Fragile-Sense-Of-Superiority-Is-Offended-By-Greetings-And-Signatures-In-Email,

Go fuck yourself


Bob Thomas

I suppose I am meant to record a comment or query here for some unknowne purpose. Now, then: The words on this queer glowing window before me speak of a "land line". Is this meant to signify a telegraph cable?
did anyone ever write an "i anonymous" complaining about people complaining to "i anonymous"? if not, then.......
I think it's time to replace "I, Anonymous" with "Drunk of the Week." Any chance Kelly O would ever move down here?

(And if you don't know what I'm talking about, go to The Stranger's site immediately.)
Gee, I can't imagine how Anon manages to wake up every day knowing that there might be a salutation in their inbox. Never mind the war. From now on, let's focus our attention on the REAL issues.

Please wait...

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