Where the fuck are you eating that you can't find something without bacon? Where are you eating that you can't find most things without bacon? Seriously, I dine out fairly regularly, I have never once had surprise bacon happen, nor do I see it all over the menu.
Also, yes, there are that many jews, but there are a shit load of self hating bacon loving jews. Not everyone who reports themselves as a member of a religion is going to follow the rules and traditions to the same extent as everyone else.

I want your bacon. I'm usually there just to drink so bacon is one of the few early morning/mid day/midnight treats I can handle. And everyone steals my bacon then they trip over my Bloody Marys and then I get embarrassed and then remember that maybe I should go home. Fairly regularly I stay anyway. Play the juke for 5 more bucks and talk myself into another draft.
Unless my friends are trying to feed me eggs. That shit stinks.
Different strokes for different folks mon.

WTF is up with people who refuse to politely communicate their needs and then get pissed when their needs are not met? It reminds me of a girl in a high school relationship. No, you shouldn't fucking pay for something you cant eat.


You. Should. Communicate. To your server. That you cant eat pork.

BOOOOOM!!!!

Maybe I should go a little easier on the Four Loko...

I'm with Snickerdoodle on this one. And layin off the Four Loko.

But I really do find even the scent of Bacon returns me to my body. And then Jesus and The Devil fight over the fireplace. And I hear Grammie in her slippers.

And Portland has some smart sexy (HI GABE) and all you tall sons o bitches and even cuter servers so maybe travel for a while while we get over our sicknesses and animal fat feasting and sexy food pornos?

Ride the Dark Wave.

If your peanut allergy was so bad that a french fry cooked in peanut oil would kill you would notify your server who would notify the chef and the manager and probably the other servers. Yet, you swing blindly at items on the menu risking your soul? Musilim people have no problem informing their beloved servers that they do not eat pork yet our jewish friends assume that we know that they are jewish.

.....and yes, your potato leek soup had bacon in it. See you in hell.

We all gonna fry if this Holy War doesn't end soon. Now which old timey religions are still in that one?

And Sizzi-lean is not allowed on the airplanes.Nor is my hunting knife, naked homo lighter, or hairspray.Boo Hiss.

But guess who doesn't give a fuck (besides everyone who watched The Road and maybe knows a few things about agriculture or the environment or watched Twin Peaks far too early?)

Starving hungry dead babies and the like.

Oh and us bookish boorish lil kitchen witches.

We mix up poison in the sink.

So let's play nice tip the help and certainly not call out the hotshots.

Cause this ain't Happy Days anymore.

AND I LOVE BACON AND I VOTE.

Your are a complete retard! I don't care if you're Jew or Muslim. If you're not intelligent enough to ask if the entree you just ordered has bacon on it, you aren't old enough to be going out to eat! First off. Fuck you for not loving bacon. Again, I don't care what religion you are, but you're a communist if you don't love bacon. Second of all, if you're at a corporate chain restaurant, complain to the manager and get a complimentary gift certificate! If you decide to go to a real restaurant where a sole proprietor puts their blood, sweat, and tears into the establishment, your are a guest there! No one forced you to go there! If the fair is not of your approval, go somewhere else! You cock sucker! I've been in the service industry for over 19 years and you people make me sick! The person who wrote this ignorant, I, anonymous, has never worked a hard day in their life! MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE, PUNCH THIS DUMB FUCKER IN THE FACE... I sorta feel better now

Amen.

I get first punch.

Then the alphas can have this baby.

Ahh, more religious fuckery about arbitrary rules. That never gets old.

@GCRUZ: If I get a dish that is inedible, I'm sending that fucker back. If they say they won't fix it or whatever, I get up and leave and don't pay. You're a fucking business, I'm a customer under no obligation to pay you for underpar services rendered.

@ Graham... You sound like an idiot! You're talking about a sub par meal or a completely wrong order that you've waited 30 minutes for. If that happens, I'm walking right out the door and never looking back, without paying a dime. I'm talking about a person without common sense enough to ask if the meal they ordered has BACON on it. Again, when you enter into an establishment, whether you get it or not, you are a guest there. Just because you're paying for a meal, doesn't make you better or more special than any other patron or server who is there. If you like the place, keep going there. If you think the food sucked... don't go back. IT'S THAT SIMPLE... I bet you're a horrible tipper too

Stupid fucks letting some god and religious crap determine what they eat and how they live their life. I have no sympathy for anyone that does this.

I'm a Vegan but not a Jew or Muslim so I guess I can't bitch about being an idiot and not taking five seconds to find an appropriate restaurant.

Waaah "WE DON'T EAT PORK!". No shit, and no one cares.

You have a religion you follow devoutly... great for you. Tell your fucking server to make sure there isn't any pork or pork substances in/on/around your food. Then if they bring it, send it back and don't pay for it. (watch out for 'garlic salt' and pubes though)

I haven't experienced the rampant bacon assaults you claim to have come across... but take some ownership when you order. You see the problem quite clearly (bonus bacon on meals), so take appropriate action and ask for NO PORK.

Definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" (I don't know who said this, but they are a damn genius!!!)

"Hi, can I get that menu thing I want without bacon?"
"Yes."
"Ok, thank you."

What are YOU bitching about? Where are these strange eateries that just serve people bacon against their will? If bacon is apart of the meal, OFCOURSE it's going to be mentioned on the menu, geez! If you accidentally got something wrapped in bacon, just peel it off! So what are you talking about, fucking crybaby?

No self-respecting Muslim would even whine like this. Oi `vay!

Yea! F' your stupid superstitions. It's bad enough that religious nuts like you are inflicting your asinine religion(s) on our government and women's bodies. Why don't you just stay home and read your old books, and leave the restaurants for thinking people. Pigs are magical animals that give us three different meats!

@GCRUZ: And you sound like an entitled douche-bag and you also help to explain why everyone hates the service industry folk in Portland. If there's something wrong with my meal. Anything at all, I can reasonably expect it to get fixed. If you won't fix it, fuck you. I'm not paying. I'll tell you exactly why I'm not paying. Do you actually expect every person to ask what the garnish is on every plate they order? You're a fucking idiot. Learn to do service in real restaurants not the trashy shitholes where you obviously sling your crap.

i'm vegetarian, so i'd be pissed if there was bacon all over my plate too, but as your not eating bacon is coming from such a backwards, superstitious place, i have no sympathy at all.

I'm curious G.G. Graham

What exactly do you do for work?

I have a few notions

1. Cubicle/Call center

2. Vacuum Salesman

3. DMV

4. Meter Man

5.Dealer

6. Mr. Mom

7. Prison Guard

8. Full time student

9. Strip Club Bouncer

10. Attorney

"an entitled douche-bag and you also help to explain why everyone hates the service industry folk in Portland. If there's something wrong with my meal. Anything at all, I can reasonably expect it to get fixed. If you won't fix it, fuck you. I'm not paying. I'll tell you exactly why I'm not paying. Do you actually expect every person to ask what the garnish is on every plate they order? You're a fucking idiot. Learn to do service in real restaurants not the trashy shitholes where you obviously sling your crap.If I get a dish that is inedible, I'm sending that fucker back. If they say they won't fix it or whatever, I get up and leave and don't pay. You're a fucking business, I'm a customer under no obligation to pay you for underpar services rendered."

Wow I cannot wait to pour you another pint. What an apparent wordsmith and cuntsmith.
You just ooze charm and Axe bodyspray.

You have 2633 comments on thee Mercury. Wowza that's an awful amount considering most of your comments are on the malcontent thug tip constantly ripping about things I'm going to file under Easy Listening.

I bet you could get drunk on scotch tape and you just love that elusive portland pussy as well.

You are a entitled Asshat.

Think of eating bacon as a small price to pay for killin' christ...

excellent trollbait. kudos to the person that makes up these letters.

@LadyDanger: I gained my opinion of restaurant service working as management in the restaurant industry. And that was after years and years of working in every other position, both FoH and BoH. So essetially, I'm the dickhead who had to deal with the pissed-off customers after my shitty-entitled-servers got all fucking too-cool-for-school to do their job right. Do that for enough years and you learn that servers act like dicks to over-compensate for the fact that they are at the absolute bottom of the socio-economic totem pole.

COMMENT DELETED: gratuitously inflammatory
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If you don't eat bacon because of religion, you're an idiot. You can also still be jewish without all the kosher bullshit- BACON RULES!

Oh yeah, FUCK RELIGIOUS SENSITIVITY! This is a SECULAR TOWN- let's keep it that way.

"Think of eating bacon as a small price to pay for killin' christ..."

Wait a minute, i thought it was the ROMANS who killed the supposed "christ" - executing him for attempting a coup against the govt. According to the old stories, didn't christ himself claim to be "King of the Jews"?

"Wait a minute, i thought it was the ROMANS who killed the supposed "christ" - executing him for attempting a coup against the govt..."

No, it was the Jews.

Another thing, at least the Catholics gave up on the meatless Fridays thing. I remember the nuns telling the stories of Saint This O'That who starved to death rather than have meat touch his/her lips on this, the second holiest day of the week.

Give up dining out-- but of course. Give up my sense of pursecution-- NEVER!

fuck all religion

‎"I'm not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I've seen what it can do to skyscrapers."

"...why is it so goddamned impossible..."

So you can break a commandment but you can't eat carnitas? oh those wacky selective conservative Jews.

Do you pork pork? Is it ok to watch Babe? So you go straight to hell for one BLT, and go to heaven for eating a Kosher cow?....isn't that where you hang it up by its feet and slit its throat while its still alive so the blood can get pumped out by the still beating heart....and that is good. Who the fuck wrote your instruction manual?

Who says you have to eat bacon? What kind of restaurant are you going to that they can't throw together a nice cheeseburger?

Whaaaaaaaa.
Go make your own little Muslim/Jew restaurant, and quit complaining about our precious, precious bacon.

Just because your ancestors screwed you out of porcine ambrosia doesn't mean the rest of us should give a crap about your whining.

Go eat some pickles, they're labeled.

I'm pretty sure the Jews didn't kill jesus.

Then again, i'm quite certain none of that bullshit ever happened.

Funny, I would have thought any restaurant worth their salt would be happy to provide pork free meals here in the food wonder that is Portland...Provided that you ask. Passive aggression is so last year!

That's ok, I hear bacon is going out of style, let's hope Gefilte fish or Matzo's will be the new 'bacon'!

Why don't you open your own restaurant and shut the fuck up.

Hey I just thought of something, hitler could open a restaurant in Portland and instead of illegally barring the jews he could just put bacon on everything, wait maybe he already did according to this guy...

SURPRISE BACON!

Your mom is right. Why don't you just ask if there is bacon if you aren't sure?
Those peanut sissies sure have no problem making sure to ask so they don't go into anaphylactic shock and swell up and then have a choking seizure and die right there in the restaurant. So I think your request to have the most delicious foods vanquished from your plate is feasible.
Besides, this is a super hippie-filled food nerd metropolis. There isn't a 3 mile area where you can't get vegan food.

So, if you're not going to eat that, mind if I have it?

Oh my f'ing God! I read all these other comments and I agree with all of them but the whole thing just drives me so nuts I HAVE to post this...

Good lord, Anonymous, stop being such a cliche' Portlander-- Refuse to speak up, and then it's wrong and you're all butthurt?? Too goddamn bad. I got news for you (And this is faith-neutral advice): The hand of God on Earth is at the end of your wrist. You want something done, F'ING DO IT.

And honestly, I get the whole fascination with bacon, love it myself. I was veg for 7 years and bacon's what drew me back. But it's not that hard to avoid, unless you're one of those people who goes places with friends that you don't really want to go, but you're too mousy to say otherwise in person, so you're pre-pissed before you ever walk in to the place, still won't voice your needs, and then write a letter like the one above because the keyboard is the only place you can express yourself.

Jesus, move out of Mom's basement and sit at the Big Boy Table for once.

You my anonymous friend are a cunt. All one needs to say is, "Please hold the pork." Get off the cross you nailed yourself to, and use your brain.

Most of these comments sound like they're coming from self-righteous a**holes. So sick of that attitude in this city. There is nothing wrong with being Jewish, just like there is nothing wrong with you choosing to believe in nothing but the "divine power of thine own self". To each his own. But faulting someone else for their personal beliefs makes you a hypocrite. At the same time, I do think the writer needs to speak up about pork at restaurants. Pretty simple. Just tell them what you can't have and you probably won't get it.

How does not following horseshit rules make me a hypocrite?

I would like the the cheeseburger, hold the bacon
I would like the amuse bouche, hold the bacon
I would like the pizza, hold the bacon
I would like the general chois, hold the bacon I can't have bacon
I would like the cheese fries, hold the bacon, I'm allergic, It's against my faith....
I would like the roast beef sandwich, hold the friggen bacon
It's just that easy.

Gee, I love bacon, and I wish I could find a bunch of restaurants that would wrap every entre, salad & desert with big, greasy slabs of bacon. Put some in my coffee, while you're at it.

It's wrong to assume nobody Jewish eats pork. There's variously observant/nonreligious Jews. Not knowing many Muslims, I still wouldn't assume unvarying dietary observance.

Here's an actual problem, some [not all] area Chinese restaurants lack understanding of seafood allergy. Since shrimp fried rice is on the menu, it's disconcerting to find shrimp in the pork fried rice. They think you're ungrateful when you want to return Pork Fried Rice with Bonus Shrimp. Unnoticed shrimp/fish is a life-threatening experience for the severely allergic, and a serious buzzkill with the milder form.

Does anyone have anaphylaxis from bacon?