You had me at "Junkie chick peeing in the sink".

Wow. You really DO sound like a filthy, junkie cunt bitch. Why don't you just die, already?

Um... you cannot do step nine anonymously it kind of takes the piss out of making amends. However, congrats on your 17 months of sobriety. Keep up the good work.

Sure, they believe this kind of garbage at 12 step meetings - "I snuck into a stranger's home & shit in the tub because of the druugggs, but now I can tell you how awful I was to make my 'recovery' look all the more impressive by how far I've come since my tub-pooping days." About as believable as that guy who lied to Oprah.

She SHAT in some random stranger's bathtub after CRASHING a party she had no business being at!

So fuck her. And i hate babies. "mental heatlh" pro - yeah right.

im not proud of who i was but i don't think its fair to malign me again for apologizing in whatever way it comes. I dont think double jeopardy should apply to someone who is really sorry as i am. Those nice people deserve more than a stranger pooping in their tub.

How does an anonymous essay in a free newspaper qualify as an apology?

On the one hand, a lot of the apologies/"making amends" fueled by 12 step cults aren't about mending things with the person who was hurt - it's about the "I made amends" badge, and feeling superior to those who are wary after you've been an asshole to them, like, "I apologized, if they don't forgive, it's only going to corrode them". [Alternate view: "Why forgive & continue contact with a demonstrated asshole?"] Extra credit question - which is more likely to promote serene living: a. forgive & interact with selfish, spineless idiots, b. reserve your finite amount of time on earth for people who are good to you.

If you did a person wrong, and want to salvage the relationship, you wouldn't apologize anonymously in a free weekly newspaper. An actual apology looks like this, "Friend, I feel so bad that I hurt you when I did X. Please forgive me. If I can do something to make it up to you, please tell me." Then it's up to the friend/lover/relative to decide whether or when to forgive, & any conditions [return the $, give it time...] Just because you decided that you "feel sorry", & feel you've forgiven yourself or been forgiven by god/gods/your teddy bear doesn't wipe the slate [or tub] clean. It's not about you, you're a jerk. It's about acknowledging that the other person has feelings, rights and an existence outside being a repository for your bullshit. Otherwise, all you're doing is talking to yourself & maybe to a church-approved imaginary friend.

With no relationship between alleged tub-pooper and tub-owner, I'd bet the tub-owner would prefer to be spared not only the apology, but the reminder of having to clean up after a brainless, heartless loser.

Damos and Trish, isn't it nice to be right all the time, especially about stuff you don't know poop about? Sometimes the best amends are anonymous (when no one is looking and no one knows, sometimes it is that much harder to do what is right), but some folks are looking for a pat on the back, so they give 20$ to fill a tank rather than refill the car before returning it. For about 18 years I been picking up a garbage bag of trash when I go camping (4X a year) because of an acid trip thing I did when barely 21! (I'm 52 now). I remember a friend using my dirty toilet water to IV the coke I just sold him (My water had been turned off, didn't stop the use of the toilet tho!:) Read up on opiates and constipation before you climb up on your golden soap box. Yesterday my sponsor took 19 years, last month I took 21 years. It's just good that no one is pooping in strangers tubs today, but if I catch who's ever dang dog pooping in my front yard, the owner just might get poop in his/her face (evil grin!).

Firecrackerass, Yes, it's nice to live with minimal misery - because I try to not hurt/upset others, make effort to repair the relationship when I do, & I don't waste time on people who are bad to me.

The idea of secret amends is ridiculous - it's just pretending to be Santa Claus.
Either you care enough to accept the discomfort it requires to tell a person you care they're hurt & do what they need for you to make things right, or you're just playing with yourself.


The rest of your post is so incoherent it looks like you fell asleep face down on the keyboard & spent 8 hours drooling & muttering in your sleep.

There's no NA "law" about not publishing one's 9th step. Stick around and you'll see it's been done. 12-step history is rich with such publications! Besies, it just makes the rest of us love the junkies and the winos all the more, those poster-kids!

I don't care about NA rules, any more than I care about bronze-age scare stories, entrails of birds, or something someone claimed to have read from inside a hat.

Appology is about the relationship between the person who is sad enough to have hurt/upset someone to make effort to mend the relationship with that person. It's about the hurt person actually mattering to the appologizer.

Initiating contact just to check "appology to X" off your to-do list, or doing something you think the hurt person might like but won't know about, is just using that person as a prop - it's removing the aggrieved person from the equation. Perhaps there might be a name for this, but appology is already in use for a different, social purpose.