You crazy fucking cat person and you insanely obsessed dog person. Dammit, how I can't stand you. I've dated you, I've met you here and there and I've seen you at random all over town. You, who put these human emotions onto animals. You, who insists that your dog or cat "understands" how you're feeling. Your dog or cat is "there for you" like nobody else. Your dog or cat "sympathizes" with your pain. Are you fucking kidding me? You do know that in other countries, animals are treated as... animals! In some countries, the EAT them! Now, I'm not saying that you should abuse animals, no. It's only to say that as Americans, and especially Portlanders, we have an obsession with treating our pets like humans. Your animal does not have human emotions, you are simply deranged. And guess what? If it wasn't you who was coming home to be the beneficiary of all this "understanding" and "love" from your pet, it would be some other asshole. You were just the first human in line to adopt it. They. Are. Animals. Deal with it.