Dear Janitor,

I don't know how you fucked up the toilet paper roll but it took me a good 15 minutes to wipe my ass. In a fit of leftover poop desperation I had to grip the whole roll and twist it that way. Do you know what that means?! My unwashed poop hands had to go all over the toilet paper so I could get the left over brown stuff off my hole.

You are endangering yourself and my coworkers by not ensuring proper tp functionaility. In the future I request you test the tp before letting it go all to hell. For the sake of my time and poop hands all over the roll.

PS: coworker that keeps pooping in the unisex bathroom, please stop. Thank you.

Thank you.