I, Anonymous Nov 14, 2012 at 4:00 am

I, Rapist?

Comments

1
You could be considered a rapist. Considering what happened earlier and she was still naked in your bed, but again...

Climbing on top of her and entering her wasn't the best move.

Why didn't you at least start off with some gentle touching and kissing to get the lady a little excited and wet before just climbing on top of her?

And why did you "hold her down" when she struggled instead of realizing that she was scared?

Dude, her actions said "No" and the scratching means she fought back.

I hope you used a condom otherwise she has a fairly convincing case against you for rape.

Next time ask first!
2
This is why safewords are a good idea.
3
Sex without consent is rape. A sleeping person can't consent (neither can a drunk person, in case you were wondering). Also, you can't believe this is happening to YOU? This isn't about you. This is about the person you assaulted. I guarantee you her experience of being raped was far worse than your experience of being accused of being a rapist. Go educate yourself before you get into bed with anyone else. This isn't rocket science.
4
As a woman who has casual sex sometimes and who has female friends who have casual sex sometimes, reading this was incredibly frightening. I'm not sure whether it makes me want to cry or throw up. I find it hard to believe that in this day and age there are still guys walking around Portland who think that it is OK to force themselves on a woman and hold her down against her will just because they have had sex with her in the past. Let us be perfectly fucking clear: that is rape. That is always rape. It does not matter whether you do or do not wear a condom (although, please, wear a fucking condom).

With or without a condom, you raped that woman, and then you WROTE TO THE MERCURY ABOUT IT. Anonymously. In the hope that she would read it and relive that trauma. Who does that to another human being????

Thanks to people like you, my female friends and I live our entire lives doing things like walking to our cars at night with keys clenched in our fists, following bizarre safety protocols because as women, even kinky, casual sex-happy women living in safe, casual sex-happy Portland, some part of us is always aware that we are in danger.

Props to your date for telling someone and calling this what it was. Rape.
5
"I can't believe this is happening to me!" <--you can't believe you're being called out for committing rape AFTER COMMITTING RAPE? You've fucking got to be kidding me. You had sex with a woman without even ATTEMPTING to gain her permission for the act and after she realized what was happening, you actively prevented her from getting away. Can't even imagine what your definition of actual (dare I say, "legitimate"?) rape might be, but if you're looking for an excuse, there is a seemingly inexhaustible well of GOP politicians/lady experts who would be delighted to come to your defense, Rapist.

And thank you, Portland Mercury, for this lovely contribution to rape culture. Is there really no one on your staff who recognizes that reprinting narratives from the perspective of the rapist and without the consent or knowledge of the victim is seriously fucked up?
6
Sexual violence is any non-consensual sexual act, and like mtsthelens said, you can't give consent when you're asleep.

If you've experienced sexual violence, you can get help and resources from the Portland Women's Crisis Line at 503-235-5333 or support@pwcl.org.

Shame on you, Portland Mercury for printing this.
7
to those of you who think this should not have been published:

firstly, it might be bullshit. but let's assume it's not.

at the very least, publishing it has prompted an impassioned discussion here and has thrown the subject in front of thousands of eyes for the next week -- who knows? perhaps a few, numb-nutted, idiot dudes will see this and learn something that they should already know.

the fact that this was published will surely spark many a conversation over these next several days, perhaps prompting a few folks to get more involved in helping rape victims. maybe it will even prompt a few, hitherto-silent victims themselves to finally speak up and report their attack.

how could all of this be a bad or shameful thing?

or should we just continue to sit with our eyes to the wall and our hands over our ears, singing 'la-la-la-la'?
8
Yep, you're a rapist. And nothing is "happening to you." You're not the victim here, dude. What you are is lucky that you haven't been arrested and thrown in jail.
9
Dude, since you had your ass chewed up by people who clearly do not understand the context of the situation, I am going to respond as someone that at least speaks the language. I am assuming you are a young man, anyone with experience in the world of serious kink knows that you don't fuck with anyone while they are asleep. They must be present to consent. Furthermore, anyone with experience knows that some women with really harcore kink tendancies have experienced some sex related trauma in their life. I am willing to bet that this girl woke up not even sure where she was with you inside of her holding her down. Think about it for a second. Especially since you don't really know her after 3 dates and no trust has been built up.
Kinky sex is, at it's heart, the ultimate in respect with a consenting partner. Never forget that....ever. Many people have things that they want to do sexually but are afraid to tell anyone, if someone opens up in that regard you must proceed with respect for the fact that you have been allowed in to such a inimate part of who they are.
While I understand your confusion about the girls behaviour, I have to urge you to consider how ill advised what you did was. If someone is resisting and no safe word is in place, you need to make sure of what is happening.
You fucked up. Learn from it if you don't go to prison for 70 mandatory months.
And to the lady above who equates you to a rapist on the street, it is far more complicated then that.
10
fuck you, mr. anonymous.
11
Um, in what world does a *condom* determine whether it was rape or not?!?
12
Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

1. Donā€™t put drugs in peopleā€™s drinks in order to control their behavior.
2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DONā€™T ASSAULT THEM!
6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
8. Always be honest with people! Donā€™t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you donā€™t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
9. Donā€™t forget: you canā€™t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone ā€œon accidentā€ you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
http://feministlawprofessors.com
13
seriously Post:
Um, in what world does a *condom* determine whether it was rape or not?!?

seriously,

Since I mentioned "condom" in my post I'll answer.

First of all, anyone having sex with more that one partner should always make sure a condom is being used.

In the world of "convicting" someone for the criminal act of Rape, if a condom was worn, no rapist DNA would be present inside the victim making it much more difficult to get a conviction.

Besides the crime itself, the "victim" is forced to endure so much pain from reliving the traumatic experience that very few woman would even consider going to the police to report a rape.

Whether the "victim" is the person who has been raped or an innocent guy who is charged with rape, any criminal rape case is a horrible experience but at least with DNA many more rapists have been convicted and many people incorrectly convicted of rape have had their convictions overturned.

And, yes, this guy "raped" that lady and I wouldn't be surprised if someone did report this to the Police who can easily find out who the rapist is and hopefully, mr rapist with at least keep his mouth shut and allow the "victim" to decide if she wants to pursue a criminal case.

The last thing this "victim" needs is pressure from the DA, or anyone else, to file formal charges and be forced to live her traumatic experience over, and over again.

I suggest this entire discussion be taken down ASAP before anything ele happens.
14
We'll all know if this was really rape or not when she takes a pregnancy test. Remember folks, if it's a "legitimate rape" the female has ways to "shut the whole thing down".
So all we can really do is wait and see. Stop being so damn judgmental!
15
Sorry, dilligaf. Whether this woman was raped and whether the guy can be easily convicted are two completely different issues. Wearing a condom may impact the latter, but it is utterly irrelevant to the former.
16
The male in said narrative is a rapist. The female in said story is a moron. No, don't pull any fucking pandering bullshit with me. There is the ideal world wherein NOTHING bad should happen to anyone; then there is the real world wherein shit happens. Heads up, bitches. IF this outrages anyone, please push your head further up your ass so the world cannot possibly understand you or any of the arguments thus far proposed, AND so you ( all ) can keep doing your "thing" be it kinky or vanilla, BUT don't either side bother to bitch about anything if you forget which world shows up more often and is more real than the one in your ideal, perfect fantasy. Now, shut up. Both of these fuckheads deserve each other but for entirely different reasons. If you don't like what I've said, tough. Live and learn or live and die sooner.
17
WHY is the caricature adorned with Devil horns? I find this to be offensive, i do.
19
Just checking in for a moment here. Dude's a rapist. Once a rapist, even without ever raping again, he'll always be a rapist for having raped. Hey, Dude! Get your ass into therapy and start reading the likes of bell hooks and Inga Muscio, because your dumb ass doesn't even know what you're sorry for yet, let alone how to be sorry. Do men not have mothers anymore? Is Portland just rotting into a little boy's privileged napoleon paradise of booze, rape, and boycotting progressive Feminist LGTB-friendly co-ops?
20
Did she give you prior consent to penetrate her in her sleep?

No?

Then yes, you raped her. Consider yourself lucky to not be in jail or a registered sex offender right now.
21
After a night of hot nasty kinky sex lasting hours, I think consent the next morning is implied. Why wouldn't she want to be awakened with the pleasure stick after what occurred just hours before?

Lots of women want to be dominated so it's not unreasonable to assume her initial surprise was met by holding her firm.

This is not rape. In fact, it's an assault by the woman against the man. I'd sue her slutty ass.
22
Sex without consent is rape. I agree with the post from "advocate" on 11/15/12- Shame on The Mercury for printing this. It should be handled by the police, not in an online forum.
23
Blah!
24
Cacao?
25
I'm pretty sure that we can blame this entire situation on 50 Shades of Gray.
26
As a woman, this is terrifying. This rapist motherfucker appears to be just dumb as a box of rocks or a complete sociopath. Consent can't be given by someone who is unconcious. And it's a one time deal, not an all access pass, you dumbfuck. You do realize that sex without arousal is awfully painful for most women, right? How self- centered can you be!? Poor me! The woman I raped is telling everyone that I'm a rapist. I hope you end up in jail.
27
u know freddy mercury used to have parties with midget waiters that had bowls of cocaine on their heads?

Please wait...

Comments are closed.

Commenting on this item is available only to members of the site. You can sign in here or create an account here.


Add a comment
Preview

By posting this comment, you are agreeing to our Terms of Use.