About your mom: We shared drinks during karaoke at the Alibi one afternoon. She kept knocking knees with me, and all I could think about was the steam blowing out your ears once you found out. We (you and I) were good friends years ago but you dropped out, and most of our mutual friends sort of faded from my life. So, here's your mom and me. We've become fuck buddies. I'm fucking her, and it is great, and it's totally weird. She still smokes cigarettes and wishes you'd call her more often. She can get me off in about seven minutes. We're both addicted to the Homeland series, and I'm sure once you figure it all out, you will probably kick my ass, and badly. But in the meantime, I'm grabbing the biggest boob on my bucket list, and I can't let go.—Anonymous