I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Bonus: While Todd was gone, it was rendered moot whether this poster is a man or a woman!

I didn't do this post because I am not that brazen, but Todd
will you marry me and take me to Korea? My wife understands sometimes you have to go for it.

I don't get it. This guy "Todd" is somehow famous on the Mercury's website? I mean, sure, I've read some of his posts, but a celebration? Uh… ok.

I just came in my pants a little.

I'm actually super interested in your experiences in North Korea. Details!

I'll post some details here about 1 PM. Check back!

OK, super-short version. I...

...flew Air Koryo from Beijing to Pyongyang, an hour-and-a-half flight in a Russian-made Tupelov jet, friendly flight attendants, except for the guy who told me to put my camera away, was served a "hamburger," the "meat" of which was pale yellow in color, sat next to an older North Korean gent, we shared a laugh as evil mice attacked an elephant's shoes with tiny chainsaws in a cartoon on the plane's video system.

...stayed at the Yanggakdo Hotel in the capital, where most floors were dark and empty, and the elevator seemed to have a mind of its own, not always choosing to take you to the floor you requested. On the plus side, electrical blackouts usually only lasted a few minutes, and there was a three-lane bowling alley in the basement.

...hiked near Mount Myohyang with a local guide, a 65-year-old human mountain-goat who may have enjoyed making foreigners suffer. After ten hours on steep trails, most of my tour group could barely walk. Had to drink water trickling from a crack inside a shallow cave, where a caretaker in an army uniform has been living alone in a tiny Buddhist temple for the last seven years. Camped in a forest in the supposed first campout by westerners ever allowed in the DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea). We all shared the s'mores I'd brought from Portland, but had to eat them cold, as we weren't allowed to build a campfire.

...drank liquor from a large glass jar which also contained a large dead snake.

...dipped my feet in the East Sea of Korea (usually called the Sea of Japan by westerners). A British woman from my group ran 100 yards up the beach to look at a small boat, then ran back after soldiers came out of a bunker and began shouting at her and waving their arms. (This luckily did not end up as a reprise of the 2008 incident where a female South Korean tourist was shot in the back and killed while running from soldiers, ending tourism from the south.)

...stayed in a 12-story hotel near Mount Kumgang where the lobby featured chandeliers, a large, curved staircase, and a white piano, but where the staff would only turn on a few dim lights, even at night (many jokes involving "The Shining" were made).

...hiked in the Kumgang region, climbing ladders and stairways bolted to cliffs. Visited a Buddhist temple with a monk in residence, but no worshipers.

...tent-camped on a concrete platform that is home to a blue park bench that Kim Il Sung once sat on (so now no one else is allowed to). (Our sleeping pads, by the way, were only a few millimeters thick.) (I didn't sleep well. Go figure.)

...was escorted within the DMZ by a North Korean army officer, who had an extended conversation (via interpreter) with an American man in our group who happened to be a Republican. Both men stayed generally polite. Crossed briefly to South Korean territory within the "blue hut" (I've been to Seoul before...but hadn't previously been to the DMZ).

...fired a small-caliber (.22 or the Russian equivalent) rifle and pistol at a Pyongyang firing range. Hit a couple of targets with rifle bullets, though I last shot a rifle (and that one just a BB gun) when I was about 13. Declined to shoot at live chickens or pheasants, though they were available for a modest fee.

...declined to eat dog soup. (Only three of the eleven in our group partook.)

...attended the world-famous (I'm told) Pyongyang Circus.

...rode an Italian-made thrill ride nicknamed "The Vominator" at the Pyongyang fun fair.

...etc. etc.

Damn. You did the things I wasn't ballsy enough to do in Vietnam. Mostly snake booze and dog meat. I would've tried the dog, but then somebody told me too much about the process of tenderizing it... a 300 lb dude told me the snake liquor got him drunk for like 48 hours, and being rather a lightweight I thought that sounded like a good thing to avoid.

Your trip sounds and eerie as the Vice guide to North Korea would imply.