I got off on the wrong foot once. She said coming on the left foot was OK, how was I to know she meant *her* left?

Definitely NOT a jerk. More like a PATHETIC asshole.

This one is funny if you imagine I,A as Jack Nicholson. But he is probably not Jack Nicholson, so...

Just summon two seconds of forced friendliness and don't offend someone you may have to see frequently. At least that's what well-adjusted people do.

"Hi" and a half-smile. Takes you two seconds and now you don't have someone who thinks your an asshole. Apply liberally in all spheres of life (because I'm guessing that you have this problem in all spheres of your life, no?)

Just the other night I was out hunting snipes and didn't notice the bum who befriends the feral cats, sitting on the other side of the pillar from the ashtray. As I approached, the cats all scattered. I said: "Sorry". He snapped: "No you're not. Don't say you're sorry if you don't mean it". I then moved towards him. He jolted upright from his slumped position over his book. I said: "Fuck you then. How's that?" He yelled at me: "That's better. At least it's honest." I just shook my head and walked away. There are too many dipshits for me to have to discipline.

Damnable Wog Hemp if you think you have to discipline bums aka HOMELESS PEPOPLE you should be banned from the state and sent to college or to some sort of educational forum. In Cuba.

Hey, I inadvertently disturbed his little fancy cat love fest and so politely apologized. He proactively alienates himself. I equally don't suffer fools whatever their victimization justification rating may be, and I don't care to pay him anymore attention than I already have.

For shits and giggles, let's just say your neighbor read this post.

Would that get you back onto the right foot with them?

Classic Portland petty passive-agression.

DHW but you did it once you may have him scarred him for life!!!!!

Okay, Leaky, I'll go back and tell him that as far as I know, nobody has called animal control about the feral cats, yet. That ought to help him relax. Then if he offers anymore back talk, I'll jest hiss 'scat' to the cats. You know, life is sort of like I/A, or does I/A, imitate life?

For fucks sake, a Size Queen about dogs.
Pathetic.

So now you're gonna mistreat the cats!!!! Unheard!!!

I feed the birds. The birds on the ground become bait for the cats. There's a little something for everyone.