My sincerest apologies, Fixed Gear Bicycle Rider as I pulled up to a stop sign with the intention of eventually turning into busy traffic. After looking to my left to see if traffic was coming, I then turned to my right and was greeted by your angry, cliched face. You were yelling something about watching where I was going, shaking your head like you were my dad and I just brought home all F's on my report card, and so on like the Entitled Douche Bag App apparently taught you. I felt absolutely horrible that we almost collided. As someone who rides a bicycle myself, I can tell you that near misses with automobiles ain't no fun.

As I watched your be-spandex-ed punk rawk ass continue on your merry way (head still shacking to-and-fro - what has your world come to?) it suddenly dawned on me that your nitwit self was riding your flashy fixed gear bike (which I hope and prey never get stolen) on the... wait for it... sidewalk! To make matters worse, you were going against traffic. No wonder I didn't see you pedaling-up to that blind corner. YOU WERE GOING THE WRONG WAY ON THE FUCKIN' SIDEWALK!!!

So, just in case you're hanging out with your trustafarian friends, downing PBR's at whatever pre-fab "dive" bar people who put up with you like to hang out at, and reiterating your tale of near-miss woe involving yet another oblivious driver, please don't forget to mention or conveniently omit that you were riding against traffic on the godamned sidewalk.

Thanks, asshole!