Kalah Allen

WHAT IS IT with the 60-year-old men in this city? You all have gray facial hair and a potbelly. You all wear hats. You all smell like an ashtray. And you all seem to think you need to comment on everything. You complain about the checkout line. You ride the bus or MAX and fuss because it’s crowded. You bitch about government meddling, but you sure want your Social Security or food stamps or Medicare. Nobody gives a shit. Not the cashier, not the bus driver, not the person next to you. Just because you’re 60 doesn’t mean your opinions are worth a good goddamn. And don’t embarrass yourself with the 22-year-old beauty running the coffee shop. You don’t look like George Clooney, you’re not rich, and that thing on your face doesn’t make you “distinguished.” The idea of you on top of her makes her nauseous. Beautiful young women only fall for homely old men in the movies. When did you stop being men and start being imbeciles?—Anonymous