Thank you so much for breaking in and robbing our store. Our year was starting off pretty good, so thanks for leveling us out a bit. I hope that $700 is used wisely—lord knows it won’t cover the cost of rent. But seriously, I’m grateful, because now I am certain that humans are basically shit. Honestly, nothing compares to this feeling. I hope karma exists—it probably doesn’t, but I hope it does. I hope your car breaks down on the freeway. I hope your cat pisses on your favorite shirt, and shits somewhere you can’t find. I hope you drop that six-pack of beer you just bought. I hope you step in dogshit barefoot. I hope you stub your pinky toe. I hope you get a memo telling you to make sure you lock up properly, because apparently it’s your fault? Mostly, I hope someone is really nice to you, so you know what genuine kindness feels like, ’cause trust me, retail work doesn’t have it. So fuck you. Fuck you very much.—Anonymousfeels like, ‘cause trust me, retail work doesn’t have it. So fuck you. Fuck you very much.—Anonymous
This Week's Featured I, Anonymous!
But Seriously, I’m Grateful
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.