Kalah Allen

Well, I hope you feel proud of yourself, asshole. I am a U.S. Navy veteran, which is likely something you cannot comprehend. Furthermore, I am a senior citizen—66 years old. I purchased that Specialized bicycle used, as per my doctor’s suggestion for exercise, as I had recent heart surgery. You know the one: stolen from inside Mall 205, by Target. This has been reported to the Portland Police, as well as several websites. If I were you, I’d return it to Bike Gallery in Sellwood-Moreland, as the eyes are on your mangy ass. Are you not aware, you uneducated dirtbag, that cameras are everywhere these days? Likely you have ripped the necklace off your dying mother to hock, you piece of trash. A group of fellow veterans are searching for you. If they find you, it will not be pretty. —Anonymous