Kalah Allen

Have you ever considered NOT bagpiping? Look, I get it. We all need to make some cold hard cash to get by. That’s why I spend the nicest, most beautiful days of summer cloistered in a soulless downtown office. An office where, almost every day, you stand outside playing your bagpipes endlessly, and I have no choice but to listen. I don’t love being stuck here, but being stuck here while listening to your droning air sack segue between Scottish folk tunes and the Star Wars theme makes it about 1,000 times worse. Is your financial plan just to play until someone pays you to go away? If so, it is working. You can have my 50 bucks. Just please, stand somewhere else today.—Anonymous