Kaylah Allen

I can hear you two through the wall during your nightly sessions. Things start off with casual talking, intermittent giggling, then transition to guttural noises. Occasional shrieks, like there’s a catfight, or something non-human. Role-playing? Then come the thunderous slaps, like two sumo wrestlers colliding belly to belly, shaking everything. But dude, it’s your moaning that sends the most chills up my spine. My bedroom is an echo camber for your activities. Please learn to have quieter sex for the sake of your housemates. Unless you’re actually having illegal catfights and very gratifying sumo matches, in which case I apologize. If you did your fair share of housekeeping, maybe I wouldn’t be so annoyed right now.—Anonymous