To all who own a dick that you like to put on, in, and near other people: sure you've got a "dirty, filthy, nasty big cock," but you also have a fairly dirty, gross, bad-smelling, and less than delicious appendage that is unfortunately as overgrown as some long forgotten obelisk in some remote Georgian cemetery. It's funky as fuck, and not in a fun way. I hear you talking talk about pussy preferences - please note waxing is both uncomfortable and expensive - and yet you come at them with such blatant offense. Got foreskin? Awesome, love it as long as you pull that collar back and ring around your own rosie with some fucking soap in the shower. Balls - symmetrical, loose, solo, large, small - can't wait to suck that shit AS LONG AS YOU'VE TRIMMED ALL HAIR OVER 0.5'' AND WASHED YOUR ASSHOLE ALSO. It's not hard. I don't bring my entire day into bed with me, and I ask that you not bring an entire day of sweating and voiding into/onto my mouth/face/vag/misc orifice. Also, wash you goddamn hands. See a theme here? Lastly, your dick it not that big - trust me on this - so quite killing the mood being a whiny bitch and put that goddamn condom on before I ask you to leave