Kalah Allen

I posted a free lawnmower on Craigslist. You said you’d be by “in a jiffy.” You showed up over an hour later, and had a tweaker-looking dude hop out of your truck and ring my doorbell. I walked him to the side of my house, showed him the mower, and he grabbed it and pushed it down to the street. He was not a man of many words, because he didn’t even give a simple “thank you.”

After you left I decided that it was pretty fucking rude of your assistant to not even give me a thank you. So I called you back and asked for one. You seemed confused. “Listen,” I said. “If you don’t offer me a simple ‘thank you’ right here and right now, I’m going to call the police and say you stole my mower. I have your license plate number (I didn’t) and I have a neighbor who will testify to seeing you steal my mower (there was no neighbor). I demand a thank you... NOW!”

There was a short moment of silence, and then a very confused “Thank you.” I hung up and went about my day.—Anonymous