First they tore down the cute 1930s bungalow that only needed a little love. Then they built a behemoth monster house, complete with underground garage. It sticks out like a sore thumb, and you Californian kooks thought it would be a great place to live! But I bet you didn’t plan on the shrine, candles, and flowers that arrived on the sidewalk out front, where homie was shot years back. (You keep cleaning it up, but the melted wax stays.) I bet you also didn’t plan on your neighbors canceling their garbage service and using your gigantic garbage cans instead. (Thanks!) Every other week, somebody dumps an old mattress or some other shit onto your nice, landscaped yard. (Not me.) But hey, you’ve arrived, and you’re close to Salt & Straw now! Maybe you should get some more security cameras—and keep putting those blurry images on Nextdoor! (Notice how no one responds?) Go home, neighborhood wreckers! Or at least move to Irvington or some shit.—Anonymous
This Week’s Featured I, Anonymous!
Welcome to Portland
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