Kalah Allen

Did you know that with modern phones you can hear someone whisper? So LOWER YOUR FUCKING VOICE. I can hear you across the store, and through the bus, and across the street. Do you yell in private conversations? I bet not. But on the phone you sound like a chainsaw. I overhear you say that you just found out who Junior’s father is. Or that the court said to stay 1,000 feet away from schools, or that the doctor can’t diagnose the running sore on your neck. You get indignant about your “privacy,” but you yell the most intimate details without any thought to the volume of your voice. You sound like you’re using a megaphone. Too bad your wife didn’t come again. Too bad there’s no food in the house. Too bad your druggie roommate stole your car. Too bad your boyfriend is in rehab again. Too bad your cat ran away. Too bad you got an “F” on the test. Too bad you got fired. Too bad your mom has syphilis. Too bad for any of the zillion tragedies in life. But nobody cares and nobody wants to hear about it.—Anonymous