I turned on the news to get the weather report. Bad idea. That's all they were ENTHUSIASTICALLY talking about. That's why I don't watch the news. That was the first time in years. I don't look at my computer for headlines. I don't want that barf in my head.
I check my emails, almost daily. Looking for a sign. Looking for good news. I have 2 jobs, but I'm always looking, you know. I send emails waiting for a reply. I do a couple "creative, hobby" type things. That's what people who don't know tend to call it. But it's work I don't get paid for. I send emails for opportunities, hoping for a reply. I get a few, here and there, but most of the mails are spam, about 10 to 1, maybe, if that's lucky.
I look out for texts to get excited about. Sometimes I get something from my mom seeing how I'm doing, or a friend wanting to hang. Most times, I'm always reaching after something that won't reach back. Zero messages.
The library calls me the most with holds ready to pick up.
My job doesn't value my opinion. Everything that happens in the building affects me in one way or another, and what I do could be considered the most important position, yet it's the lowest on the totem pole, and for that, I'm nobody, and I'm virtually the last to know anything or get to have a say about anything.
I'm the last to know about family gatherings.
I don't get invited anywhere or to parties.
And I DO NOT CARE!
I have wonderful times all by myself.