Kalah Allen

It was the Friday before my birthday, and I got home to find a bag on my porch with two cupcakes and a card. The card read, “Happy Birthday. We had a good run. Keep making art. Love, [signed so poorly I don’t know who this could be from.]” I texted my ex, thinking it was a nice gesture from him, and asking him if he brought them by. He said no. It briefly crossed my mind that this could be from my current boyfriend, because I hadn’t heard from him in a few days. I was right! I don’t know what planet you come from, but a birthday card breakup? Seriously? We had been dating for like four months, maybe text me? At least now I can donate all the money I would have spent buying your broke-ass food to charity and do something good with it.—Anonymous