I moved to town in February and secured a room online. Based on the pictures and our correspondence, I thought that my 900 bucks a month would get me a chill space where I could sleep, live, and study. I thought wrong. You inconsiderate alcoholic assholes partied every night and were gross slobs. When I found out I was paying 40 percent more than any of you, I knew I had to GTFO. Two months in and I gave notice. You guys got even worse, and I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. After you refused to give me my deposit back, I realized I could either go to court or get revenge. Revenge it was. I smashed raw shrimp into the dryer. I topped off everyone’s shampoo with morning asparagus pee. I also wiped my ass on the corners of your bedsheets and sprinkled my pubes in a bag of micro-greens. Don’t fuck with a guy from Florida.—Anonymous
This Week’s Featured I, Anonymous!
The Florida Project
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.