Oh, Portlanders. You were our friends when you wanted to visit San Francisco and needed a place to stay. When we were priced out of there and moved to Oregon, primarily because we had SO many friends there, you treated us like an invading species. You wouldn't even answer our calls. Never mind that you also moved to Portland from California 20 years before.

We gave up on Portland after five years of this and did what you wanted. We went away. Now we live in Hawaii, we've been there a year. What's this? All of a sudden we're besties again? And you want to visit? And you need a place to stay?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!