Hey you,
Regular delivery customer who never tips:
Enjoying your pizza? Good, I'm glad we could make something you enjoy enough to order pretty much every time I'm working.
But you never tip. This has gone on for months, and the boss seems to just take it as a given.
Look, I've seen your Mercedes in the driveway, and I can tell you make/have wayyyyyy more than enough to over tip, let alone the customary 15% for delivery.
Notice anything different about your pies lately? It's a new topping I'm calling "sprouts." They're organic, full of beta kerotine, and freshly harvested from my butt crack. Then lovingly placed on each slice, just for you.