Having to spend 10 minutes behind you was painful. First, you were a total asshole to the barista. This is what gets me most. Just because your life sucks, don’t take it out on the help! Anyway, after getting your drink, then you made me wait as you beelined it for the bathroom—cutting me off as I was also heading that direction. You obliviously had to go first, and that’s okay, I get it. But once it was my turn, I realized you had left your newly purchased coffee on top of the sink... which I graciously topped off with a couple of squirts of my piss. As I was leaving, you barreled in to collect your drink and immediately took a sip. I cringed at the possible confrontation, but it was just enough piss to remain undetectable... and just enough, hopefully, to chill you out. I’m a chiller, you see, and maybe by osmosis, you too will chill. the. fuck. out.—Anonymous
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.