To the entitled bicyclist on the sidewalk: People walking on the sidewalk aren’t expecting to plowed down by some hipster flying around the corner without a care in the world. You came within inches of running over my puppy. When I exclaimed, “WTF?” you stupidly—and here’s where a helmet may have saved you some trouble—turned around to flip me off and let loose with a string of profanity directed at me... and, because you weren’t looking, you crashed right into a utility pole. I couldn’t help but burst out laughing and clapping, and when you had the gall to ask me for help, I enjoyed telling you one simple word: “Karma.” If you had apologized? Yeah, I would have helped. But you didn’t. I felt bad for a second, then laughed it off and went about my day. You entitled asses bitch about getting more bicycle-friendly streets and more bike lanes, but even after your wishes are granted, you STILL use the sidewalks. Thank you, dude, for a beautiful moment of a Darwin nomination.—Anonymous
This Week’s Featured I, Anonymous!
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.