Today while enjoying lunch at a Venezuelan restaurant in Ladd’s Addition, I saw you make the dick move of asking a lone diner who was sitting at the far end of a long, farm-style, SHAREABLE table to “switch” to a small spot at the bar so that you, your two infants, and your female breeder companion could man-spread across a space designed for at least six or eight people. You needed to use the top of this table to display both of your offspring in their matching baby carriers. You needed this space right now, and you couldn’t bother to wait for the lone diner to finish his meal. Maybe it was sleep deprivation that caused your hideous sociopathy, or maybe you’re just greedy breeders. Either way, you gave me heartburn and made me throw up in my mouth a little. You are not special, and neither are your carbon-emitting children. Share the space, motherfucker!—Anonymous