Kalah Allen

So I was kind of surprised to come home and discover that someone had mowed my lawn (and my flowers?) and left the clippings all over the sidewalk. Portland truly is the most passive-aggressive city on Earth. Not everyone is a bored retiree with time to spend on their garden, or a real-estate flipper looking to unload properties to tech-bro transplants. I’ve owned a home in this neighborhood for about 20 years, and I really like my neighbors. Sure, my yard was SLIGHTLY overgrown, but when I mow it, I tend to sweep or rake the sidewalk. Next time you need something to mow, please stick your face in your lawnmower’s blades. Then maybe you won’t have to look at your neighbors’ houses!—Anonymous