Ever heard the story of the ugly duckling turned swan? I was that ugly ass duckling. Even bullied for it throughout all of my schooling. Then suddenly I hit puberty and bam, became a swan. But I still always thought I was ugly. All the mean things said to me I still internalized. And ironically I was tormented more the more beautiful I became. But then, no one ever talks about the swan getting worn out, older and lack luster. And so now that I no longer have the beauty I once had shortlived, I obsess over the need for cosmetic surgery. I want a nose job, a facelift, and mommie makeover. I want the one thing I never had that was finally given and then faded away.

Isnt it sad? It's pretty pathetic. Doctors say it's a mental illness but I think it's just that I want to be seen and valued in some way. And I was. Even if it was honks from across the street, atleast it was something. Now no one ever honks. Just stares. Like im a freak or something.