I, Anonymous Apr 21, 2020 at 7:01 am



You are projecting!!!

"How can one resign themselves to that lifestyle by choice and desire?"
" How does one concede to this and surrender all aspirations?"
" I don't feel bad either because for me, they've given up on life and are in essence waiting around to die."

You have no idea what people value or how they live their lives. You don't even know that those people you look at and think don't work truly do not work. You literally know nothing about anyone's reality other than your own. It's all a story you've made up in your mind. Does it make you feel better? Does it make you feel superior? It certainly has nothing to do with reality.

My mom: retired. Worked the last 26 years of her life prior to retiring at the same company and LOVES being retired. She is reaping the rewards of hard work, saving for retirement, and not only enjoys her life every single day, she is grateful for it and expresses that gratitude on a daily basis. She has friends and goes to yoga classes and walks on the beach (since we live three blocks from the ocean), she paints and creates art with our neighbor and her friends, she loves cooking and trying new recipes, she enjoys the small things - coffee in the morning, going to the farmers' market, playing Scrabble, and doing things with me. She has been my caregiver for the last 14 years and will be until I die and she does not resent it, she is happy to be able to do it, and she says often that we have a good life and she is happy we are together. The only thing she would change is my health. If I could be healthy and off living my life as I was before I got sick, that would make her completely happy.

Me: disabled, unable to work, almost entirely home bound now (not so when I got sick 14 years ago - but the disease is progressive and degenerative). If I woke up tomorrow and was healthy, I would be happy to go back to work and would do so in a heartbeat (well not NOW, during a pandemic, but you get my meaning). I have missed being able to work, live where i want to live, do what I want to do, be independent, be productive, have income to do things I want to do, etc. All that being said, after the initial three years of denial and deep depression, I found a way into my "new normal" and have done many things and still have a full life and friends and am for the most part happy (as happy as one can be when one is facing life with this illness). When I was not so physically disabled and my mom was still working, I cooked dinner every night, I cleaned the kitchen, I traveled to visit friends, Mom and I would go to museums, concerts, and other events. I was still able to swim and ride a tricycle. I was able to walk (with my walker) for long distances. I served grand jury duty, I cheered my friend on as she ran a marathon, I walked (with my walker) over the Brooklyn Bridge (something I never did when I lived in NYC) and also walked the High Line (which did not exist when I lived in NYC).

I've made my peace with how my life is and accept it is far different than I wish it were, but it is still good. I have people who love me, I have things I enjoy doing, I still have all of my cognitive abilities and despite my life being mostly about illness and managing it, I know I am fortunate and take nothing for granted.

And I had made my peace with how I would die from my illness (or choosing death with dignity, depending on what kind of death I would be facing when the time came).

However, I sure as shit do not want to die of COVID-19 as it is truly more horrific and terrifying than the death I am facing. I also do not want my mother to die of COVID-19.

There are so many reasons people choose or are forced to live lives outside what you or anyone else considers the norm. Whatever you tell yourself about them is pure fantasy.
I hope you have a job to go back to when this is all over. Those of us that don't, will continue living our lives and enjoying them, despite your delusions about who we are and what we are doing.


Wow, they've made you into a good little drone, haven't they?


Who's a drone?
I can relate to Christina, but also get where OP is coming from. I miss working and making a meaningful contribution to society so much that it hurts. I would also love for this disease to get better instead of progress. I would love to not need a caregiver. I'd also love to be able to cook again, and that's just the top of a very long list.
I am incredibly grateful to pay less rent than most and am incredibly blessed to have a roof over my head. That being said, if I could do better for myself, I'd never in a million years live in section 8 housing or resign myself to solitude and inactivity.
As a disabled person, I see many people living off a system meant to help those who can't work just because they don't want to work or don't feel that they should have to work. I have many section 8 neighbors who are young and able-bodied, yet pay $0 rent because they never worked a day in their lives. When they talk, they say they are "hustlers" and proud of it. They have guaranteed free rent until they die and it seems that they never have or will contribute anything to society. If that's not giving up, what is?

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