Dear mid-floor apartment,

Would you all quit it with that infernal racket and constant bickering! You are keeping the whole neighborhood up with your constant back and forth.

Our poor dog was driven crazy by your little tiffs and screaming matches.

I've talked with your downstairs neighbors, and they aren't too excited about you either. We all clearly see what's going on.

We've tried discussing this with you several times and helping you find a resolution. I strongly recommend you be nice to people with the balcony of above yours. Who knows what could fall or spill by accident during one of these gorgeous spring/summer days . . .

Picking pointless fights with each other is one thing, but it's immature and idiotic to try to start something with those who clearly have the high ground.