It's taken me sometime to realize what these behaviors truly are. Almost no one wants to recognize their behaviors as cruel or hateful, but I can recognize that it was hate and fear that motivated me to take certain actions.

I still don't feel ready to take full responsibility, I can clearly see it was others who were stoking the fear and hate within me, and I believe they share some responsibilities for what happened. But I can't get around that I am responsible for my own behavior and how it measures up to the standards I set for myself and others.

I was so blind. Hate was the very thing I thought we were fighting. I didn't see anything wrong in using those tactics in return. What we did was wrong, we lied, we manipulated others, we stoked divisions within our communities, and we made peace more difficult to achieve. I can see how we got sucked into the dehumanizing of others and the marginalization of recognizing that everyone has human rights, even the people we don't agree with, even the people who dehumanize us.

I am disgusted with myself. I am trying to find ways to respectfully apologize for my actions. I feel like such a child, and I hope that recognizing these behaviors of mine is a way I can grow up.

Hate is tricky. It's infectious. I can see that now. I know this won't be an easy road for me. I know how I need to make amends for the damage I've inflicted on our community. But I promise to work hard to make peace and love more accessible to all, even the people I don't agree with, even those who scare me, even those who dehumanize me.

I believe that LOVE WINS!