Have you guessed what the problem is? You didn’t have to! It was right in the headline! And that’s the problem: everything gets spoiled nowadays. Today, a friend of mine asked me if I had seen the Kentucky Derby. I had not. Spoiler! I didn’t even know the Kentucky Derby was today. I don’t like horse racing. It’s stupid. But, despite this, did I already know who won? Well, I would have if I had read any of the headlines. It was Dapper Dan by a nose! Who cares? Not me, but YOU should. If you like horse racing, and hadn’t watched the race yet, that is. Stop spoiling things, headlines! Put it in the body of the article, like I just did. Not the headline. I went to the supermarket to buy some bread for a sandwich. Spoiler Alert: tuna salad. It’s not a spoiler if you say “Spoiler Alert” first. I don’t know why, but that’s the rule. Anyway, what did I find at Freddie’s? You guessed it already, it was more spoilers! All the bread was clearly labeled by type and brand, with prices marked and everything. What if I wanted to be surprised? Not in today’s world. Not with bread packages you can see right through! Stop selling me “spoiled” bread! Later, I took the bus home. The 57 to Beaverton. Right there in bold letters on the front! Gee, I wonder where this one’s going to end up… sigh.