Thinking about the martial art group I almost dedicated my life to. The secret trump group they invited me to around 2018. The guy I trained with playing devil’s advocate about the George Floyd situation. He owns a school now and a moderately successful YouTube channel. Even got promoted as in rank. My teacher might not have been an overt bigot, but his friends were. I almost brought my kids into this group. I more focused on my own rank and acting like I was some kind of hero in an action movie. I didn’t fully see it when I started, but the signs were there. I was young and I thought I was building a career. I am ashamed that I put so much time and effort into being part of this group. Almost twenty years. At my peak, I was probably just a bully. Just an idiot with an ego. Like they taught me. Through this fist art, one gains nothing but regret.