Yes, it's Saturday. Yes, these posts usually go up on Friday. Congratulations, fucknut! Wasting your life by reading the internet on weekends has clearly honed your observational skills to razor-sharp perfection!

• STOP THE MOTHERFUCKING PRESSES! SARAH MIRK FOUND HERSELF A SCOOP! "McDonald's is a good place to find politically apathetic people." Imbecile.

• Marjorie Skinner dove deep into the world of jewelry made from cat hair. Blogtown: where depressing cat ladies go to die alone.

• Still confused about the difference between "blogging" with "creating annoying polls," Wm. Steven Humphrey attempted to make some jokes about the world coming to an end.

• Denis C. Theriault somehow managed to be boring even when writing about a stripper.

• To the surprise of no one, Tony "Hic!" Perez advocated drinking in public.

• Ned Lannamann introduced Blogtown's unfortunate readers to one more band they won't remember in three weeks.

• Ezra "Ace" Caraeff proudly announced his dumb little music blog is teaming up with PBR to sponsor a "'70s night at Mississippi Studios." If some cretin were ever to set out to create a parody of an obnoxious hipster newspaper in Portland, Oregon, I would encourage them not to waste their time doing what has already been done.

• Alison Hallett posted another author interview that no one bothered to read. Authors: Stop wasting your time.

• The spineless pussy Erik Henriksen made some passive-aggressive whimperings in the general direction of KOIN 6's Ken Boddie. Meanwhile, I emailed some aggressive photographs of myself to KGW's Stephanie Stricklen.

I will return next week, and not one moment before. I urge you to do the same.