Brave New Male Odor

Sniffing sweaty men makes women feel good! Or so says Charles J. Wysocki of the University of Pennsylvania. In a new study, Wysocki reveals how he swabbed male sweat drizzle onto the upper lips of female test subjects (without telling them what it was), and says the results proved that chicks dig respiring dude-juice.

Although research subjects reportedly assumed they were snorting alcohol, perfume, or lemon floor wax, many reported feeling happy and contented after smelling the manly underarm solution.

"Much to our surprise, the women reported feeling less tense and more relaxed during exposure to the male extract," Wysocki told reporters. "This suggests that there may be much more going on in social settings like singles bars than meets the eye." He must mean pit sniffing.

Wysocki believes that women truly love smelling man sweat. He says pheromones contained in male perspiration cause a "dramatic effect on both a woman's mind and body."

He plans to use his research one day to boost inherent sweat-borne properties. Highly enhanced and scientifically advanced man juice, specifically designed to influence menstruation, hunger, blind adoration, and intellectual perspicacity (general fussing) in women, could be a boon to modern gender compatibility issues.

By identifying pheromonal elements responsible for these psychological and hormonal changes in women, Wysocki thinks "super sweat" will have beneficial manipulative powers. Imagine the puissance (belch pride) men would wield, initiating or curtailing menstruation at the raising of an elbow--let alone the shear joy women would feel from simply snorting their hubby's gym socks!

"This may open the door to pharmacological approaches to manage the onset of ovulation or the effects of premenstrual syndrome or even natural products to aid relaxation," Wysocki declares. "By determining how pheromones impact mood and endocrine response, we might be able to build a better male odor: molecules that more effectively manipulate the effects we observed."

Until that day comes, however, men can get a jumpstart on Frankensweat technology, and use their existing juices to make women feel good. Armpit salting margarita glasses is a nice start. Or, casually run her lipstick up your butt crack after carrying home a half rack of beer on your bike.

If what Wysocki says is true, your special lady will start feeling joyful in no time, and she'll have your sweat to thank for it!