RJ Reynolds is currently marketing a cigarette which reduces second hand smoke by 80%. The cigarette, called Eclipse, comes in menthol and regular like a normal cigarette, but beyond flavors, Eclipse has very little similarity to the original.

Eclipse is an enigma, wrapped within a high tech smoking device so unusual, it requires two separate sets of smoking directions, which are included in every pack. Initially, it requires five or six good puffs to ignite the perforated metal tip. Then once it's going, it "heats" the tobacco tucked inside the patented smoking tube instead of flaming it. There's so little smoke; it doesn't smoke!

Excluding taste, the worst part of having an Eclipse is that it stays the same size during the 6-7 minutes it will take you to finish your tobacco unit. Like Hillary Clinton, it simply never goes down. They don't smolder, true, but when one exhales, the smoke is noticeable and stinky like fuming epoxy.

I conducted a "two-pronged scientific experiment" using Eclipse cigarettes and random test citizens. I first pronged Robert Thompson, a keen-eyed account executive with huge, tobacco-marinated lungs, and he was loath to praise the experience.

Said Thomspon, "they taste like pure cancer. It was as if I could taste every chemical in the damn thing. I've been a professional smoker for 10 years and this thing made me choke."

"Besides," Rob complained, "the steady stream of smoke is (usually) an important part of my smoking experience."

Next, I pronged an average editorial assistant, Marjorie Skinner and her frank gal pal Chelsea (with whom she shared an Eclipse). Marjorie's follow-up email had more questions than answers. "What is the point of repressing the smoke at one end," pondered tobacco-addled Marjorie, "when you still end up blowing smoke out of your mouth?"

"Where does the ash go? Why can't you re-light it when it fizzles out? We smoked it for a while, it went out, we couldn't re-light it, so we cut it in half with a pair of scissors."

All test subjects concluded Eclipse tastes awfully different. "We really like the smoke coming out both ends," piped Marjorie regarding Rob's comment. "(Eclipse) was just a regular cigarette engineered to be more gross and bad for you."

Quick-quipping Chelsea simply opined, "That was fucked up!"