The Franklin Stud

Years ago, America's rotund founding father and patriotic man-slut Benjamin Franklin, is said to have discovered that metal things attract lightning.

Back then, lightning was perceived as a sign from God that "He" wasn't getting enough attention. So, when electrical storms arose, church bell ringers were called upon to do their duty: climb bell towers and ring-a-ding-dong-day, to let God know everything was okay down on Earth.

Not surprisingly, hundreds of bell ringers were summarily blasted to Hell when lightning struck the holy bells, killing them in the process.

What Franklin did was to figure out it was much safer for everyone (bell ringers especially) if lightning rods were used to attract and absorb the strikes--and things went along pretty well until the rise in popularity of golf clubs, aluminum baseball bats, and umbrellas.

It's a new age though, and (thank Science!) people are finding altogether new ways of pissing off this God person. Take the example of 26-year-old Becky Nyang, a young Englishwoman with a pierced tongue, which I assume enabled her to give fantastic BB-head.

The BBC reported that Nyang "narrowly escaped death when lightning struck her tongue stud during an electrical storm." The report went on to say that Nyang was "temporarily blinded, unable to talk and badly blistered by the bolt of electricity that surged through her body via the piercing. A flash of lightning bounced off a nearby archway and hit her in the face, where it was conducted by the metal jewelry in her tongue."

The electrical charge charred Nyang's mouth, face, and feet, and she couldn't talk for days. When she was finally able to speak, she told reporters, "It hit me and everything was just bright blue--it zapped me frozen. My body shook for about 10 minutes, although I didn't feel the pain until later."

Miraculously, Nyang survived her electrical orgasm, and presumably looks forward to trying it again. Take that, God!